Regarding Sternberg’s Triangle — Comment on article by Ariana E. (2022)

Remember that lovers’ intimacy (intimate love) doesn’t mechanistically and predictably decrease the way passionate/romantic love (honeymoon phase) does. Thus, as long as their communication doesn’t wane or they stop opening up/ sharing with each other or fail to engage in basic micro-romantic actions together (e.g., holding hands, cuddling, seeing movies together, even just eating meals together), then their intimate love will remain unchanged or perhaps even increase. And intimate love is a key ingredient in companionate love — the love that defines long term couples.

Unfortunately, most of our rom-coms & Western sitcoms have created a myth of true love: the notion that real relationships are characterized by passionate love that never ends. This is possibly because most films end once couples really start their official or formal relationship, & 99% of them never have a sequel that shows the couple 5 or 10 years later.

(Notable exceptions = 500 Days of Summer, This Is 40, La La Land)

As one of my late mentors once said, passionate love is the rocket that gets your ship into space, but it won’t keep you in orbit. Once the rocket fuel & its flames of passion burn out & the rocket detaches from the spacecraft, companionate love is what you’ll need to keep your (relation-) ship in orbit. If you haven’t built that yet then your ship will ‘break up’ in the atmosphere as it comes crashing down.

Friendship Boundaries While Dating: Inspired by this 2021 article from Ariana E.

[Preface: 90%+ of my friends are straight, bisexual, lesbian, and asexual women. Moreover, as someone who has primarily dated bisexual women since I was 17 years old, I find that trusting my girlfriend with her close opposite-sex AND same-sex friendships is as easy as breathing.

“You should not be more emotionally vulnerable with an opposite-gender friend than you are with your partner.”

This gets complicated if your opposite-sex bestie was your primary emotional support system before you ever met your lover. Even more so if you were the primary source of emotional support for your OSF. They can’t expect you to be at their beckon call as frequently (at least not as often in the in-person modality) as when you were single, and they can’t expect that you’ll continue to share things of great emotional relevance with them first.

These friendships are considerably less complicated with lesbian & asexual friends. It’s somewhat less complicated with bisexual friends than straight friends, and it’s never been an issue with male friends regardless of sexual orientation.

“Gossiping or complaining about your partner in a mean-spirited way is never a good thing to do — but especially not with opposite-gender friends.”

And for gays/lesbians, especially not with same-sex friends…

And for bisexuals, especially not with any friends…

Especially if those friends are single & may have an interest in you.

Lab Hypothesis: Bisexuals discuss the sexual performance of boyfriends more than the sexual performance of girlfriends.

“If you are spending time with an opposite-gender friend, make sure you aren’t keeping it hidden from your partner.”

For LG… if you are spending time with a same-sex friend, make sure you aren’t keeping it hidden from your lover.

For bisexuals… if you are spending time with an any-sex friend, make sure you aren’t keeping it hidden from your lover.

“Introduce your partner to your opposite-gender friends (and make sure they know you’re in a relationship).”

For LG… introduce your lover to your same-sex friends.

For bisexuals… introduce your lover to your any-sex friends.

Chivalry & Feminism: Inspired by this article from Sareytales (2022)

Gay men desire more chivalry from their boyfriends (especially if he’s bisexual) than lesbians desire from their girlfriends , though lesbians expect more chivalry from lesbians than from bisexual women, and (regardless of sex) bisexuals dating men desire more chivalry than bisexuals dating women (Kimberly Venegas-Vasquez et al., PrePrint: https://psyarxiv.com/zdy5v/)

I’m almost tempted to cite your Medium article in my lab’s Preprint of our research on Genderless Chivalry. Truly insightful piece.

As a cis-heterosexual male I can definitely confirm this is another issue for us to overcome. One of my research assistants came up with an idea that she calls Courtswitching. Essentially, males should be flexible in their courtship behaviors/ expectations & be able to switch based on if the woman they’re dating is more traditional/ southern/ old-fashioned & desires chivalry or is more feminist & desires egalitarianism.

It remains a question whether a male who was flexible with applying either approach would be as desirable as a male who was simply either chivalry-minded or egalitarian-minded.

Future Valentines, birthday, and/or anniversary gift idea

Ai Fragrances by Lidia Zuin (2022)

From the recommendations on Spotify, Amazon, netflix/streaming platforms, & now NOS (No Ordinary Scent), Ai is ushering in a marketplace of personalization capitalism.

It is noteworthy that Stranger Things is still in the Top 10 on Netflix. Much like Squid Game, some people may eventually watch it because it’s what everyone else is (apparently) watching. In that instance the algorithm is producing socialization consumption/consumerism* as opposed to personalization consumption/consumerism.

When I was growing up in the 90s & 2000s, everyone just watched the Simpsons, Power Rangers, X Files, DBZ, Friends, etc because it was the thing to do. There were no alternatives (aside for VCR/DVD); all of history wasn’t available to stream whenever one wanted. The monoculture was the default.

In a way, top 10 lists on Netflix, iTunes, most watched on Youtube, & recommendations such as ‘people who bought that also bought this’ is the algorithm’s way to give us the option of monoculture while still basing most of its content on personalization/ user-specific preferences.

NOS & Replika seem similar in that they’re both constructed via more personal, reflective, & overall deeper user feedback than the algorithms on Amazon or Youtube.

* = In psychology we may refer to this as conformity via normative social influence

Eve Was Right (Comment on article by Carla Escritora, 2021)

God never told Eve not to eat the apple. She didn’t even exist yet when God told Adam not to eat from that tree.

Thus, nothing happens when Eve eats the apple, because she hadn’t disobeyed any order from God. It was only after Adam ate it that “the Fall” was triggered.

In Adam’s defense, Lilith had already broken up with him in the first chapter of Genesis (which indicates that relationship dissolution isn’t inherently sinful), & Eve was the only other woman in all of existence. As such, it’s not like he could say no when she offered him the apple.

Adam didn’t want to be a virgin for eternity so he was probably going to do anything Eve wanted.

Biblical Reference

The first account appears in Genesis 1:26–27. Here, God fashions man and woman simultaneously when the text reads: “So God created mankind in the divine image, male and female God created them.”

The second account of Creation is found in #Genesis 2:21–23. God creates Adam, then places him in the Garden of Eden. Not long afterwards, God decides to make a companion for Adam. God puts Adam into a deep sleep & while Adam is sleeping God takes one of his ribs (ouchies) & creates Eve.)

In response to an article by Lena (2022)

Zan’s experience is such a brilliant perspective to consider

This is why I’ve generally found opposite-sex friends to be more rewarding than same-sex friends. Close friends who are lesbian or asexual are uniquely valuable because:

1. It simplifies the friendship as it removes all romantic/sexual ambiguity (if she’s lesbian or asexual then nothing beyond friendship is possible). This removes a concern that is sometimes present in straight-straight opposite-sex friendships.

2. The friendship doesn’t change based on either person’s romantic status. For instance, past girlfriends have been far less concerned about my close friendship with a lesbian compared to another straight woman (epsecially if she was single). It’s noteworthy that I’ve mostly dated bisexual women, so it’s possible that straight women may be just as concerned about a lesbian friend as a straight female friend.

3. The concern about potential romance/sexual ambiguity is also present in bisexual-straight opposite-sex friendships, though to a substantially smaller degree. Indeed, both individuals in mixed orientation relationships (bisexual-straight couples) report having more opposite-sex friendships than the usual trend found for those in straight-straight relationships (Jordal, 2011).

In response to an article by Ilana Quinn (2022)

And when Jesus said “Father why have you forsaken me” it was in reference to his stepdad, Joseph.

Two of the 3 people who mattered the most to him were there, Magdalene & his mom, but the man who raised him didn’t show up. Even if Mary & Joseph were taking a break or had divorced (leading him to ask John to take care of her), he still should’ve been there for his stepson.

(And given Joseph’s relevance it’s unlikely that his death would’ve gone unmentioned if he was no longer alive. Aside from Joseph’s own relevance, it would’ve been an excellent opportunity to discuss how Jesus grieved the loss of a parent.

In response to an article by OkCupid (2022)

What percent of males say Money is “very important” to them in a Match?

If it’s increased compared to past years, it may signal that straight men may have become more comfortable with their lovers outearning them.

They may finally be putting the economy before their ego.

Horizontal Allyship (response to an article by Kerala Taylor)

It’s key for interracial daters of any composition (whether interminority or minority-White) to try & understand the unique microaggressions/ experiences of their lover. The prejudices that one of my Chinese ex’s faced in her life were uniquely different from the prejudices I face in my own 💁🏻‍♀️

NeoLiberalism & the Statistical Mode (Jessica Wildfire, 2021)

One of the issues with the NeoLiberal Marketplace is that it may base its content on the statistical mode.

The mode of users for the popular blogging platform you were using (perhaps the mode in the morning) may have been users that the algorithm believed would be more likely to read & click on an ad in that article.

Consider…

If the statistical mode of users were Jessica Wildfire & 1 million clones of her, that article would never have seen the light of day as a recommended read 💁🏻‍♀️

In response to an article by Lena (2021)

I feel like this makes it worse because in America there’s no excuse such as “I lack experience with Black people” or “I’ve never seen a Black person in real life before”

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Dr. Jarryd Willis PhD

I'm passionate about making a tangible difference in the lives of others, & that's something I have the opportunity to do a professor & researcher.