Regarding Sternberg’s Triangle — Comment on article by Ariana E. (2022)

Remember that lovers’ intimacy (intimate love) doesn’t mechanistically and predictably decrease the way passionate/romantic love (honeymoon phase) does. Thus, as long as their communication doesn’t wane or they stop opening up/ sharing with each other or fail to engage in basic micro-romantic actions together (e.g., holding hands, cuddling, seeing movies together, even just eating meals together), then their intimate love will remain unchanged or perhaps even increase. And intimate love is a key ingredient in companionate love — the love that defines long term couples.

🚀 Space Love 💘

As one of my late mentors once said, passionate love is the rocket that gets your ship into space, but it won’t keep you in orbit. Once the rocket fuel & its flames of passion burn out & the rocket detaches from the spacecraft, companionate love is what you’ll need to keep your (relation-) ship in orbit. If you haven’t built that yet then your ship will ‘break up’ in the atmosphere as it comes crashing down.

Friendship Boundaries While Dating: Inspired by this 2021 article from Ariana E.

[Preface: 90%+ of my friends are straight, bisexual, lesbian, and asexual women. Moreover, as someone who has primarily dated bisexual women since I was 17 years old, I find that trusting my girlfriend with her close opposite-sex AND same-sex friendships is as easy as breathing.

Chivalry & Feminism: Inspired by this article from Sareytales (2022)

Gay men desire more chivalry from their boyfriends (especially if he’s bisexual) than lesbians desire from their girlfriends , though lesbians expect more chivalry from lesbians than from bisexual women, and (regardless of sex) bisexuals dating men desire more chivalry than bisexuals dating women (Kimberly Venegas-Vasquez et al., PrePrint: https://psyarxiv.com/zdy5v/) 💁🏻‍♀️

Future Valentines, birthday, and/or anniversary gift idea 💁🏻‍♀️

Ai Fragrances by Lidia Zuin (2022)

From the recommendations on Spotify, Amazon, netflix/streaming platforms, & now NOS (No Ordinary Scent), Ai is ushering in a marketplace of personalization capitalism.

Eve Was Right (Comment on article by Carla Escritora, 2021)

God never told Eve not to eat the apple. She didn’t even exist yet when God told Adam not to eat from that tree.

In response to an article by Lena (2022)

Zan’s experience is such a brilliant perspective to consider

In response to an article by Ilana Quinn (2022)

And when Jesus said “Father why have you forsaken me” it was in reference to his stepdad, Joseph.

In response to an article by OkCupid (2022)

What percent of males say Money is “very important” to them in a Match?

Horizontal Allyship (response to an article by Kerala Taylor)

It’s key for interracial daters of any composition (whether interminority or minority-White) to try & understand the unique microaggressions/ experiences of their lover. The prejudices that one of my Chinese ex’s faced in her life were uniquely different from the prejudices I face in my own 💁🏻‍♀️

NeoLiberalism & the Statistical Mode (Jessica Wildfire, 2021)

One of the issues with the NeoLiberal Marketplace is that it may base its content on the statistical mode.

In response to an article by Lena (2021)

I feel like this makes it worse because in America there’s no excuse such as “I lack experience with Black people” or “I’ve never seen a Black person in real life before”

Sidenotes

Progression Bias — Joel & MacDonald, 2021

“Dating is widely thought of as a test phase for romantic relationships, during which new romantic partners carefully evaluate each other for long-term fit. However, this cultural narrative assumes that people are well equipped to reject poorly suited partners. In this article, we argue that humans are biased toward pro-relationship decisions — decisions that favor the initiation, advancement, and maintenance of romantic relationships. We first review evidence for a progression bias in the context of relationship initiation, investment, and breakup decisions. We next consider possible theoretical underpinnings — both evolutionary and cultural — that may explain why getting into a relationship is often easier than getting out of one, and why being in a less desirable relationship is often preferred over being in no relationship at all.

Gospel — Ongoing Evaluation

In one ambitious study, 100 participants were recruited during the first 4 weeks of dating and tracked over a 1-year period (Fletcher et al., 2000). Whereas 78 participants were still dating the same person by the second month, only 54 were still with the same person by the third month. Clearly, some level of partner evaluation and selection occurred over this initial dating period. And indeed, participants were particularly likely to evaluate the dating partner positively and remain in the relationship over time to the extent that the partner met their ideal standards. Similar results were found in more recent studies in which researchers managed to track participants from before they even entered their new relationships (L. Campbell et al., 2016; Gerlach et al., 2019). In the largest such study to date, a total of 763 single individuals were followed over 5 months, 34% of whom entered a new dating relationship in that time (Gerlach et al., 2019). The researchers found that for those who entered new relationships, ideal partner preferences as reported when single did predict participants’ later reports of their new dating partners’ characteristics. These studies suggest that people do evaluate new dating partners based on a set of ideal standards. Yet, even in these first few months of the relationship, people also adjusted their ideal standards to fit the romantic partners they had. In the Gerlach et al. (2019) study, participants who rated their new partners as falling short of their initial ideals tended to adjust their preferences downward. Similar results were found in the Fletcher et al. (2000) study: When people perceived their dating partner to be higher on a given ideal partner dimension, that dimension was subsequently rated as being more important.

Investment

Overall, the investment model argues that individuals who perceive that they are either highly invested or have a low quality of alternatives are likely to have great difficulty exiting the relationship, even if their satisfaction with the relationship is low. A large body of longitudinal work supports this model. For example, a meta-analysis of 202 samples (N = 50,427) found that alternatives and investment emerged as independent predictors of commitment, above and beyond relationship satisfaction (Tran et al., 2019). Commitment, in turn, is a strong predictor of choosing to remain in the relationship (Le & Agnew, 2003).

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Dr. Jarryd Willis PhD

Dr. Jarryd Willis PhD

I'm passionate about making a tangible difference in the lives of others, & that's something I have the opportunity to do a professor & researcher.