One XY Man’s Life as an X▲O◼ Woman (#GamerGirl Appendix)

Dr. Jarryd Willis PhD
10 min readNov 28, 2020


Summary table of findings & references from Woman Like Me

Gender Socialization means our brains produce gender role biases the way Google’s autofill search bar will predict what it thinks we’re going to type. (Eyes see female avatar… brain’s autofill predicts ‘healer’.
Eyes see Black avatar… brain’s autofill predicts ‘thug’.)

Hitting backspace may take more effort than simply going with it — which means sexism costs less cognitive energy than overcoming it.

Allyship isn’t easy; it takes energy.

Do you know where people are least likely to use that energy & more likely to acquiesce to their assumptions based on gender roles? Virtual videogame worlds…
which means if you have an attractive female avatar the cognitive scripts of male chivalry will always activate in time to assist you in a dragon fight Lols

The table below provides the major pattern of findings related to female avatar advantages in MMORPG.

Though most of those findings assume pure Player vs Environment play with no open-world non-consensual Player vs Player, that’s not necessarily a confounding factor (Zhang et al., 2019).

Sidenotes To Self (Ignore)

Female avatars who play masculine roles (Jarryd/ knight/paladin) tend to receive more support than male avatars who play feminine roles (white mage/healer).

¨Most of our diverse interactions in non-structured environments take place during lunch or breakfast. (Also afternoon happy hour)
People see more colors in the daylight.

Dinner is the least diverse meal as it’s seen as intimate, particularly by people with old-fashioned norms.

Thus, we’re less likely to see colors different from our own at night. Bi/Mixed/Multiracials are the obvious exception.

#GamerGirl: MMORPGs are bastions of untapped ethnographic data, the most prevalent of which is the imposition of corporeal mating market frameworks into the virtual interpersonal sphere. For example, as an attractive woman (and non-elf), I’m a highly valuable asset for the male avatar gaze. As such, I can reliably apply myself as a social resource to male avatars whose level is high enough to return questing/combat value proportional to what I’m worth.

GamerGuy: Are you open to interracial questing?

#GamerGirl: Of course, I’ve dated a catperson & one of my besties is an AuRa avatar from the Far East.

GamerGuy: What about Elves?

#GamerGirl: …I don’t want my guild to disown me by being seen with an Elf. All races are my type/preference, except Elves because they’re the opposite race & aren’t socially desirable even though we literally appropriate their culture on a regular basis Lols

Gender socialization & expectations (Galliano, 2003):

→ For females, elaboration and identification with a maternal role, domestic role rehearsal, physical appearance, acceptance of lower social status, and flexibility of gender-typed behaviors are considered important for a girl.

→ From a very young age, male gender roles force males to reject a wide range of characteristics that would be considered normal behavior for females. For males, physical competence, peer groups, aggression, autonomy, achievement, & avoidance of femininity are all considered important features of being a boy.

XY individuals “grow up believing they should not, indeed cannot, display certain emotions in public, forcing them to keep their emotions private.”
— Masculinity and Mental Health (Harland 2008)

“Kellaris and Mantel (1994) proposed that males are more time conscious than females because males are generally socialized to conduct tasks under time pressures in their work places. In studies of shopping behaviour, it has been found that male shoppers appear to buy what they need with a minimum of time and effort and leave as quickly as possible (Alreck & Settle, 2002; Otnes & McGrath, 2001).”
- Lee et al., 2011

42% of divorced individuals reported more than one affair (APA)

Confer & Cloud (2011) found 50% of men stayed with girlfriends who had sex with another woman, but only 22% if she slept with a man.‬
‪Only 21% of women would stay with a BF who had sex with another man.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Of #SexualInfidelity

- Long-distance couples break up more often (Cameron & Ross, 2007). Humanity has been in a long-distance relationship with itself for most of this year. #COVID19

- 44% of men who’d had affairs said it was only about sex

- 11% of women reported the same

- More women than men reported an emotional connection

Outcome: couples are more likely to survive when men commit infidelity & less likely to survive when women commit infidelity.

- For men, the rate of extramarital sex seems to peak around age 55 to 65 (Atkins et al., 2001; Liu, 2000)

- For women the peak is earlier, at age 40 to 45, after which it declines (Atkins et al., 2001; Liu, 2000)

- Men & non-religious people are less likely to define any given behavior as reflecting infidelity

- Men are far less likely to perceive situations/interactions that do not include physical contact to be infidelity compared to women. Similar results were found for non-religious & religious subjects, respectively.

Married men are more likely to report cheating on their spouse multiple times & are about 25% more likely to report having one-night stands than women, whereas married women are about 15% more likely to report having emotional affairs than men

Of #Forgiveness

Xy: 26% of men said they wouldn’t want to put their children through a divorce, while 25% said they still love their partner and would want to overcome their problems.

XX: 30% of women say they would stay for financial reasons, while 25% would prioritise their family above all else.

- “Sometimes women cheat to wake up an otherwise dying marriage. If the marriage has improved as a result, why not try to make it work?” (Tammy Nelson, a sex and relationship therapist)

Men were more likely to forgive women, with 59% saying they were more likely to forgive their partner than their partner is to forgive them, compared to 51% of women.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Of #EmotionalInfidelity

- a sense that one’s lover may become more dedicated to someone other than themselves

- emotionally confiding in a relevant romantic rival more than your lover (i.e., relevant — most reasonable people may find it troubling)

~ Most reasonable people would not consider confiding in friends, family, Fido, faith to be infidelity. Confiding in a friend who is also an ex… most reasonable people may find it troubling.

→ Communicating at all with a friend who is also an ex isn’t inherently problematic, is something that can be appreciated or accepted (especially if the friend isn’t single and/or is very far away), and is something legally necessary when you have a joint custody arrangement for a child you had with a friend who is also an ex.

Joint Custody

- Lesbian couples are more likely to have joint custody arrangements than heterosexuals. This may be because LG individuals are more likely to remain friends with their exes in general (due perhaps to size of LGBT community) and/or because most people (regardless of orientation) seem to develop more same-sex than opposite-sex friendships in adulthood & thus LG divorcees are more likely to reach an amicable joint custody outcome than heterosexuals.

- People whose friends and family thought they should leave their partner were more likely to breakup after infidelity. The process was reversed among those whose social networks preferred sticking with the relationship.

- Women were more likely to breakup following infidelity than men.

Shrout, M. R., & Weigel, D. J. (2019). “Should I stay or should I go?” Understanding the noninvolved partner’s decision-making process following infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(2), 400–420.

— — — — — — — — — -

Resisting Infidelity

- Conscientious people are less likely to cheat (reject gratification; Pronk et al., 2011; Ziv et al., 2018)

- Fear of being alone & the desire to adhere to moral standards

were found to be more influential in keeping people out of extramarital affairs than concerns for how cheating would impact their kids or partner.

- Women rate themselves as more likely to resist extramarital sex than men, surprising no one (Ziv et al., 2018)

Relationships are more likely to survive after men cheat than after women cheat despite the fact that men tend to be more forgiving/ less motivated to breakup after being cheated on.

The reason is that for more women than men, relational intimacy with her male-mistress with exist concurrent with the progression of physical & sexual intimacy. That emotional connection means it wasn’t just a one night stand; it’s an ongoing threat to the existing relationship.

Men generally aren’t relationally intimate with the women they cheat with. They’re certainly not in love, often not in like… pretty much just in lust that evening (that hour). That’s less of an ‘ongoing’ threat to the relationship…

unless it’s an ongoing threat of serial-infidelity (e.g., men are more likely to cheat multiple times prior to a divorce than women).

COVID19 & Transportation vs. Private Car

¨The strongest predictor of ride-hailing adoption is an extravert personality as it is related to more willingness to engage in the sharing economy (Roy, 16).”

Extroverted people were more likely to be happy sharing a smaller vehicle with strangers, whilst more introverted people preferred larger vehicles (Wells & Wadud, 2019). In addition, women reported being were more cautious of smaller shared vehicles than men.

Higher proportions of extraverts are prepared to pay more for a shared AV (Ai Automated Vehicle) Car than introverts (Clayton et al., 2020).

Science Knows No Country

COVID shows why the Westphalian model is useful for governments/ countries but inapplicable for universally applicable science. Science knows no country. Thus, during a health crisis that affects the entire planet, science justifiably has jurisdictional authority over any country’s typically assumed sovereignty.

Thankfully, most world leaders, especially countries with female leaders, have taken actions in accordance with health scientists to protect their citizens from a transnational threat that has no concern for their sovereign borders. Our response to COViD was a test of the *global constitution of science* , our overall digital infrastructure (significant increases in #Netflix & #Gaming), & our willingness to embrace science as an epistemic authority that transcends issues that may otherwise divide us.

Regina George: You’re too dark for this pool

#GamerGirl: WT🤬 We’re the same race. I’m not a minority.

Karen: Yes but our beauty as women is closely connected to overall social capital. Here in Hingashi we have a Beauty Queue (Hunter, 2005) in which women’s skin tone affects their social rank-ordering. The lightest women have the most privilege.

But why?

Gretchen: Because colorism is a facet of structural racism, permeating many institutions due to the media-saturation of Anglicization & the multibillion dollar skin bleaching industry. As such, it’s internalization by high school means it doesn’t require the presence of overtly racist individuals (see Charles, 2003; Glenn, 2008; Hunter, 2011; Mire, 2001).

One facet of Racial Trauma concerns the everyday behavioral adaptations someone engages in to compensate for race, i.e., glasses instead of contacts, asking for a receipt as proof you bought something in case someone asks, etc.

And these utilitarian strategies obviously go beyond race: LGB employees who stay in the closet at workplaces with hegemonic heteronormative climates, women in a male dominated genetics labs wearing pants & never a dress/skirt, changing hair color, etc. I attached the current results from my instagram peeps below.

Interestingly, most respondents who have said “Yes on both” (Yes, their emojis match their skin color & yes they use exclamation points in emails) have lighter skin tones & most respondents (of a handful) who have said “no on emojis” have darker skin tones.

This fits perfectly with the online videogame research: in a magical forest of over 4 Million gamers (and many more since midMarch) it’s extremely rare to find a Black avatar Lols

Even in my profile pictures it’s never me by myself; a female friend is always next to me to attenuate aggression/violence schemas that may be activated based on race.

…a videogame audit study (so instead of sending resumes on CareerBuilder/LinkedIn that differ based on race she would create different avatars & see how other gamers in the magic forest respond to her/ help her/ cast spells on her/ the guild call-back rate).

…when a treasurer for a student organization has a financial question, they’re more likely to ask someone in the Business Dept than in Architecture or Engineering. If Tesla has a mechanical issue with their 2022 model, they’re likely to seek out Engineering professors rather than someone in Architecture or Business.

In essence, Psychology, Sociology, Social Work, & related fields are expected to serve as the moral accountants, engineers of civic awareness, and architects of constructive discourse in moments like this.

My lab’s current research is focused on cross-sexuality comparisons of courtship processes, mate preferences, interactions between gender role socialization & evolution (nature/nurture), and diverse/ intersectional/ cyber-digital personal identities.

Exploring how gender roles and evolutionary sex differences influence political outcomes related to men & women would be a perfect contextual addition to our primary focus.



Dr. Jarryd Willis PhD

I'm passionate about making a tangible difference in the lives of others, & that's something I have the opportunity to do a professor & researcher.