Non-Monogamy
About 79% of gay couples had mutually agreed open relationships vs. 19% of lesbians (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1990).
Gay male couples are more likely to have consensually nonmonogamous relationships (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983; Conley et al., 2013; Gotta et al., 2011; Green, 2010; Kim & Stein, 2018; LaSala, 2004; Lyons & Hosking, 2014; Peplau & Cochran, 1990; Peplau & Fingerhut, 2007; Pepping et al., 2020; Rothblum, 2009; Sarantakos, 1998; Solomon et al., 2005; Van de Ven et al., 1997).
🌈Gendered Monogamy
Refers to Mixed-Orientation Couples practicing monogamy while allowing the bisexual spouse to engage in non-monogamy with people of the opposite-sex of their lover (a bi man with a wife could be with other men but not women) (Pallotta-Chiarolli, 2014).
Bisexuals are less likely to come out than LG individuals (Baiocco et al., 2020; Barringer et al., 2017; Bartelt et al., 2017; Beach et al., 2019; Balsam & Mohr, 2007; Flanders et al., 2016; Fra, 2014; Legate et al., 2012; Li et al., 2013; Knous, 2006; Hayfield et al., 2013; McLean, 2008; Morris et al., 2001; Pew Research Center, 2015; Pistella et al., 2016; Price et al., 2019; Rust, 1993; Tasker & Delvoye, 2015; Wandrey et al., 2015; bi W & lesbians, Rosario et al., 2001; Koh and Ross, 2006).
The Pew Research Center (2015) found that only 28% of bisexuals, compared to 77% of gay men and 71% of lesbians, “say all or most of the important people in their life know” about their sexual orientation.
Bisexual individuals face prejudice from both heterosexual and homosexual demographics (Beach et al., 2018; Bostwick & Hequembourg, 2014; Brewster & Moradi, 2010; Dodge et al., 2016; Eliason, 1997; Faber, 2018; Friedman et al., 2014; Helms & Waters, 2016; Hequembourg & Brallier, 2009; Herek, 2002; Mitchell et al., 2015; Mohr & Rochlen, 1999; Mulick & Wright, 2002; Ochs, 1996; Pond, 2020; Roberts et al., 2015; Spalding & Peplau, 1997; Yost & Thomas, 2012).
Pansexuals
“Pansexuals do not reference gender at all when describing attraction patterns (Belous & Bauman, 2017)” (Sierra Stein, 2020).
“Pansexuals identify based on their attraction to individuals regardless of their sex or gender (Harper & Ginicola, 2017)” (Philippa Waterhouse & Sarah Burkill, 2019).
Table of Contents
· Monogamy Blurb — Kelberga & Martinsone, 2021
· Polyamory Blurb
· Reproductive Identity
∘ — Claire Horn, 2022 on Artificial Wombs & Ectogenetic Parenthood
∘ — Jessica Feinberg, 2021 — ∘ — Courtney Joslin, 2021
∘ — Malinda Seymore, 2022 — Inconceivable Families
∘ — Aurélie M. Athan, 2020 — Contraception
· — Bisexual Parents :: · — LGBTQiA+ Nonbiological Parents
· 🌈% of Parents — Goldberg & Hasenbush, 2020
· SoCal Lab Replication — Angela Gregory, 2009
Coming Out
· On StandBi — Sierra Stein, 2020
· Selective Disclosure — Lain Mathers, 2019
· Femme — Butch
· BiNegativity — · Bisexual Men — Tara Pond, 2020
· BiPhobia is Unique — ∘ BiErasure — Mary Nedala, 2019
∘ Definition of Intercourse (bc patriarchy) — [Carren Strock, 2020]
— Schumm, 2016
“Nonmonogamy is “the norm rather than the exception” (Nichols, 1990).
About 79% of gay couples had mutually agreed open relationships vs. 19% of lesbians (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1990).
Nonmonogamy is ‘‘an accepted part of gay male culture’’ (Rothblum et al., 2006).
There is ‘‘widespread acceptance of extradyadic sexual activity … within gay male communities” (Conley et al., 2012).
Peplau et al., 2004: ‘‘a distinctive feature of contemporary gay men’s relationships is the tendency to form sexually open (nonmonogamous) relationships’.’
“Nonmonogamy was not a predictor of relationship dissolution for men in same-sex relationships, consistent with other research on gay men (Bricker & Horne, 2007; Parsons et al., 2012) in which non-monogamy is not a predictor of relationship satisfaction.”
Open relationships are more common in gay couples than lesbian couples (Lyons & Hosking, 2014).
Monogamy Blurb — Kelberga & Martinsone, 2021
“A relationship in which the explicit agreement or taken-for-granted rule is that there should not be any sexual or romantic relationships outside main partnership is called monogamous (Richards and Barker, 2013). Fisher (2011) states that pair bonding is universal for humans and most men and women are willing to get married. Even as worldwide marriage rates have declined, still 85–90% of modern Americans intend to get married (Cherlin, 2009) and European marriage rates are in a similar range, especially if “consensual unions” (a “marriage-like” relationships) are taken into account (Eurostat, 2015).
Fisher (2011) adds that
although polygyny is permitted in 72–84% of human societies, only 5–10% of men in these cultures actually have several wives simultaneously,
which leads her to conclude that across cultures the dominant pattern is to marry one person at a time.”
[This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License (CC BY).]
Kelberga, A., & Martinsone, B. (2021). Differences in Motivation to Engage in Sexual Activity Between People in Monogamous and Non-monogamous Committed Relationships. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 753460. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.753460
Polyamory Blurb
People in polyamorous relationships are much more likely to identify as bisexual than heterosexual, particularly women (Balzarini et al., 2018; Haupert et al., 2017; Klesse, 2005, 2011; Rust, 2000; Tara Pond, 2020).
At the same time, the majority of bisexuals prefer monogamous relationships (Anderson et al., 2015; Klesse, 2011; Toft & Yip, 2018).
Ethical non-monogamy has been positioned as empowering for queer people because of the deconstruction of heteronormativity that is often tied to this relationship type (Barker & Langdridge, 2010).”
Extraversion & Infidelity
The influence of extraversion on monogamy may be a species-level norm as Schmitt & Shackelford (2008) found it predicted extradyadic sexual engagement in 46 nations.
Reproductive Identity
— Claire Horn, 2022 on Artificial Wombs & Ectogenetic Parenthood
“The defining feature of ‘women’ is understood as the possession of sex organs that allow them to become pregnant, while the defining feature of ‘men’ is the inability to carry a child. By allowing a fetus to be grown within an artificial womb, ectogenetic technology raises the possibility that a person of any gender could be responsible for gestating.”
— Jessica Feinberg, 2021
“The conclusive presumption of parentage based upon the act of giving birth, which presents a major barrier to the extension of marriage-based avenues of establishing parentage to male same-sex couples, is an outdated concept that fails to reflect the realities of modern medical technology and the diverse circumstances under which children are conceived today.”
— Courtney Joslin, 2021
“By decoupling family from biology, assisted reproductive technology opens up possibilities of family forms that do not mimic nature.”
— Malinda Seymore, 2022 — Inconceivable Families
“Single parent adoption, and in particular single women adopting, was not uncommon prior to World War II, and some of those single adoptions were actually by lesbian women who raised their children together with other women. The advent and swift expansion of reproductive technology beginning in the late 1970s accelerated the transformation of the family by undermining sacred assumptions about the reproductive process.”
— Aurélie M. Athan, 2020 — Contraception
“The advent of the Pill in the 1960s marked a significant turning point decoupling sex from reproduction. Sex for recreation rather than procreation has become acceptable for all ages, genders, and sexual orientations (van den Akker, 2012) [along with] a parallel liberalization of traditional family structures.
The fact that a broader range of people can choose to have children regardless of partnership status, postpone it to a later age, or abstain altogether and enjoy sex for its own sake, is indeed remarkable. Improvements in the social status of women have especially transformed how reproduction is performed and families are structured.”
— Bisexual Parents
Bisexual parents are more likely to raise their kids to be inclusive & see nonheteronormative sexual and gender identities as valid (Budnick, 2016; Goldberg et al., 2019; Manley et al., 2018).
Bisexual mothers in particular often felt that lesbian communities were exclusive or unwelcoming to them (Bartelt et al., 2017; Kangasvuo, 2011; Manley et al., 2018; Ross et al., 2012).
Reported income is lower among bisexual than lesbian women, which could influence how these women navigate career, parenting, and financial decisions (Badgett, 1995; Cerf, 2016; Cushing-Daniels, & Yeung, 2009).
Finally, lesbians (51%) were more likely to report desiring a permanent & fulltime position before parenthood than bisexual (26%) or heterosexual (32%) women.
Bisexual/lesbian women are more likely than bisexual/gay men to remain close friends, often best friends, with a former lover (Becker, 1988; Hite, 1987; Nardi & Sherrod, 1994; Weinstock, 1997).
Social attitudes toward bisexuals aren’t improving as fast as those toward lesbian/gay individuals (Dodge et al., 2016).
— LGBTQiA+ Nonbiological Parents
“The legal contexts of same-gender-headed stepfamilies are more precarious, making it difficult for queer step-parents to see their children or stepchildren (Chauveron, Alvarez, & van Eeden-Moorefield, 2017)” (Autumn Bermea et al., 2019).
“Given that federal marriage equality (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015) didn’t give full parental recognition/ legal parenthood via marriage, non-biological parents within married same-sex couples are particularly vulnerable in custody disputes (Farr & Goldberg, 2018). The non-legal parent may be forced to sever any bonds with the children after a same-sex divorce (Allen, 2007)” (Rachel Farr et al., 2020).
[One consistent theme is] “the fear of losing contact with their children due to a lack of legal parental rights (Allen, 2019; Chauveron et al., 2017; Dodge, 2006; Hertz et al., 2009; Kauffman, 2019; Knauer, 2019; Morton, 1998). The parent without legal standing is seriously disadvantaged from a power perspective, often feeling at the mercy of the biological or legal parent” (Kevin Lyness, 2021).
— Kevin Lyness, 2021 –
“About 114,000 same-sex couples were raising children together in 2016 (Goldberg & Conron, 2018), with about 75% of those being female same-sex couples.
About 22% of same-sex married couples were raising children at that time (compared to about 12% of nonmarried same-sex couples). Interestingly, in opposite-sex couples, there were virtually no differences between married and unmarried couples in the percentage raising children (38.6% & 38.7%).
In addition, the majority of same-sex couples raising children (68%) were raising biological children of one of the parents,
and were much more likely than opposite-sex couples to be raising adopted or foster children (Goldberg & Conron, 2018).”
🌈% of Parents — Goldberg & Hasenbush, 2020
“Among same-sex couples raising a child under the age of 18, 69% of female same-sex couples indicate they are raising a child to whom a parent shares a biological connection, as are 67% of male same-sex couples (Goldberg & Conron, 2018).
In 2016, of the more than 705,000 same-sex couples in the United States, 16% were raising children, with 24% of female same-sex couples currently raising a child under age 18 and 8% of male same-sex couples doing so (Goldberg & Conron, 2018). LGBT adults under the age of 50, 48% of women and 20% of men are raising a child under the age of 18 (Gates, 2013).
The majority of LGBTQ parents conceived children in a different-sex relationship (Gates, 2011; Goldberg et al., 2014). For example, in the LGBTQ Family Building Survey, 73% of LGBTQ people reported their children were conceived through intercourse (Family Equality Council, 2019).
Given that more than half of LGB adults are bisexual
— and many of those may be partnered with someone of a different-sex — it is likely that many children raised by LGB adults were conceived through intercourse between parents, either in a current relationship or in a past relationship” (Goldberg & Hasenbush, 2020).
‘Many LG parents, particularly those who are older, came out at a later age, increasing the likelihood that their kids were conceived in an opposite-sex marriage before they came out as LG or Q.’
SoCal Lab Replication — Angela Gregory, 2009
Female bisexuals who are partnered with males found it less important to have others know their sexual identity (t(50) = 1.928, p < .03). The FandM group was significantly less likely to tell others of their sexual identity than the FandF group.
Those partnered with females were significantly more likely to disclose their bisexual identity to their mother, father, brother, sister, aunts, uncles, straight friends and previous female friends. However, those who were partnered with males were significantly more likely to tell their lesbian/gay friends than those in the female-partnered group.
[ SoCal Lab ➡️ We found the exact same thing ]
In the FandF group, the age they first acknowledged their bisexual identity ranged from 13 to 28 years (M = 19, SD = 4.89). In the FandM group the age that they first acknowledged their bisexual identity ranged from 8 to 34 years (M = 17, SD = 5.70).
Lewis et al., 2009
Bisexuals report more internalized biphobia and are more likely to stay in the closet than lesbian & gay individuals.
On StandBi — Sierra Stein, 2020
This process of putting one’s true sexuality on standby, although meant to protect, may increase experiences on internalized biphobia, bisexual invisibility, and bierasure (Hoang et al., 2011; Todd, Oravecz, & Vejar, 2016).
There is not much evidence of a relationship between overall disclosure of sexuality and mental health outside of self-esteem (Feldman, & Wright, 2013).
Selective Disclosure — Lain Mathers, 2019
More research is needed on bisexuals’ “coming out experiences, particularly in relation to families (Barringer et al., 2017; Biblarz & Savci, 2010).
A burgeoning field of study has pointed to the fact that bi+ people navigate different issues when coming out (or assessing whether or not to come out) than lesbian and gay people (Sumerau & Cragun, 2018)
Femme — Butch
About 73% of lesbians identify as butch or femme (Loulan & Thomas, 1990), with butches being more attracted to femmes than to each other (Caramagno, 2002).
Twice as many same-sex female couples were butch-femme dyads (66.2%) with only a third of couples being femme-femme/ butch-butch dyads (33.8%) (Rothblum et al., 2018).
Most butches identify as lesbian compared to only half of femmes, whereas most bisexual women identify as femme (Rosario et al., 2009).
BiNegativity —
Bisexual Men — Tara Pond, 2020
Bisexual men experience more prejudice from heterosexuals than bisexual women (de Bruin & Arndt, 2010; Sarno, Newcomb, Feinstein, & Mustanski, 2020; Yost & Thomas, 2012).
BiPhobia is Unique
Bisexuals experience prejudice from both monosexual groups (Brewster & Moradi, 2010; Eliason, 1997; Helms & Waters, 2016; Herek, 2002; Mitchell et al., 2015; Mohr & Rochlen, 1999; Mulick & Wright, 2002; Spalding & Peplau, 1997; Yost & Thomas, 2012). Interestingly, Mitchell et al. (2015) found that bisexuals experience more prejudice than individuals identified as pansexual, queer, and fluid from LG individuals.
BiErasure — Mary Nedala, 2019
The unique difficulties experienced by bisexual people in relationships (Klesse, 2011). Some of these difficulties include:
(a) perceptions of an over-sexualized person that is incapable of monogamy;
(b) erasure of an identity when in committed relationships;
[c] beliefs that bisexuality is a transitory phase rather than a stable identity (Callis, 2013; Fox, 2006; Klesse, 2011; McLean, 2008b).
Prejudice towards bisexual men is “strongest among heterosexual women” (Mackenzie Ess et al., 2022).
“Heterosexual women demonstrate more negative attitudes toward bisexual men than heterosexual men do toward bisexual women (Armstrong & Reissing, 2014; Callis, 2013; Feinstein et al., 2014, 2016)” (Gleason et al., 2018).
Straight men in general appear to have strikingly different views toward bisexuals than do straight women. Despite the aversion of lesbians and straight women to the “hypersexual” bisexual, straight men have much higher rates of acceptance of bisexual women, which can be “partially explained by male eroticization of female same-sex sexuality, which is largely depicted in pornography catering to a male demographic” (Yost & Thomas, 2012, p. 696; Jenefsky & Miller, 1998). Bisexual women are “thought of as sexually promiscuous and sexually adventurous,” leading many men to view a partnership with a bisexual woman as an opportunity “to [have] sex with multiple women” (Callis, 2013, p. 88).
[Rust (1995) found that] 96% stated that “they would prefer to date a lesbian [rather than a bisexual woman],” and 74% said desire “to avoid dating bisexual women is ‘very strong’” (p. 100).
Zaylia (2009) reported that lesbians view bisexuals as “dangerous sirens who lure ‘lesbians into an abode of lust and illusions of love until — poof! — they vanish into the arms of the next available Joe’” (p. 86).
Generally speaking, bisexual men are more often described in negative terms and viewed as ‘truly gay’ whereas bisexual women are more often portrayed as sexy and ‘truly heterosexual’ (Esterline & Galupo, 2013; Lannutti & Denes, 2012; Yost & Thomas, 2012).
Definition of Intercourse (bc patriarchy) — [Carren Strock, 2020]
In 2003, the New Hampshire Supreme Court ruled that a sexual relationship between a married woman and another woman did not constitute adultery.
The court based its ruling on the dictionary definition of adultery: “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife, or between a married woman and someone other than her husband.”
The definition of sexual intercourse is “sexual connection esp. between humans: COITUS, COPULATION” (Webster’s Third New International Dictionary). Coitus is defined to require “insertion of the penis in the vagina.”9 Even as far back as the writing of the Bible, intimate relationships between women were not considered seriously (pp. 26–27).
🕵🏻♀️Research Question
There’s not much direct data on how kids fare with a bisexual mom who divorces dad & couples with a woman, but there are decades of research on lesbian parents who divorce a male & form a bond with a woman.
Basically, we can extrapolate from research with lesbians who left opposite-sex bonds for same-sex bonds as a proxy for bisexual moms.
What we absolutely don’t have any info for is how kids far when their bisexual mom/dad leave a same-sex bond for an opposite -sex bond.
Question 2
Lesbians are more likely to have one of them give birth & thus have biological parenthood. The other wife then adopts as the other mother. But the fact that one gave birth means they don’t have genetic equality with the child anymore. I wonder if that influences romantic satisfaction or family stability…
Research → Jealousy between the biological/gestational mom & the social coparent/adoptive mom may influence satisfaction in lesbian families (Goldberg et al., 2008; Sullivan, 2004). Goldberg et al. (2008) found that most of the children had preferred the biological mother at some point in the child’s life.
.
(Some SoCal Lab Data)
.
Sidenotes
Joint Bank Accounts & LGBTQiA+
LGBTQiA+ couples are less likely to have a joint bank account (Burgoyne et al., 2011, p. 685), “using “partial-pooling” or “independent management,” with “an emphasis placed on egalitarianism and devising a fair money management strategy” (Burns et al., 2008, p. 481)” (Kim & Stein, 2018).
Men in same-sex relationships work fewer hours than men in opposite-sex couples.
Women in opposite-sex marriages tend to work fewer hours after having kids (Bianchi et al., 2006).
“博观而约取，厚积而薄发。”
— 《稼说送张琥》宋 苏轼
******
“Do a lot of reading then distill the wisdom for use; store up affluently then release little by little.”— By Su Shi • Song Dynasty