The guys who finish last are more likely to raise their own genetic offspring

Toxic masculinity is costly for men (with a particular focus on straight men).

The pandemic showed how toxic masculinity is a personal health risk as males who feared that wearing a mask would make them look vulnerable ended up making themselves more vulnerable to COVID19.

If a mask is all it takes to threaten your manhood, you didn’t have much manhood to begin with.

Toxic masculinity is a key reason why males have a hard time opening up emotionally to their male friends. Consider the contexts in which males are usually depicted opening up/sharing their feels with their bruhs:
→ A bar scene (the male sharing his feelings has consumed enough alcohol to use it as an excuse for his breach of male-rules.
→ While gaming — briefly — after successfully completing/ winning a tough/competitive player-vs-environment dungeon/ player-vs-player match

Such emotional repression means that straight men aren’t taking care of their emotional & mental health.

A key outcome of males’ avoidance of opening up to male friends is that they rely on their female friends to be reservoirs of emotional support instead (Willis, 2014). When you consider that EVERYONE — regardless of sexuality — prefers female friends over male friends for emotional support, it’s easy to understand where the term emotional labor comes from (one of the many forms of Women’s Labor; Cognitive Labor, Aesthetic Labor, etc).

That is, women are burdened with emotional labor of each sex, whereas straight men generally only provide emotional support to female friends & lovers.

Another consequence of our emotional withholdings as straight men is we’re less likely to seek mental healthcare when emotionally injured compared to seeking physical healthcare when physically injured. One ultimate outcome of this is that men are far more likely to die by suicide than women, even though women attempt suicide more times than men & commit non-suicidal self injury more than men.

PMS & Hormones vs. Male Brain

Though most pop culture jokes & conventional wisdom portray women as emotionally dysregulated as a consequence of hormonal fluctuations during menstruation, it should be noted that men’s testosterone makes us engage in brain-agnostic behavior every-single-day.

Every Single Day

Nice Guys Finish Last (Origin of the Phrase)

Women’s greater difficulty in reaching orgasm (whether via masturbation or intercourse) is argued to be one of the bases for the development of prosocial behavior in men. Basically, the men who wanted to ensure paternity of offspring would work harder to satisfy his partner before he reached orgasm himself so that she would feel less of a need to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere. Thus, in seeking to ensure he’d be raising his own kids (the argument goes),

men would be prosocial & ensure that his lover was satisfied first & then he would be last.

And this is where the phrase nice guys finish last comes from.

2nd Shift & Partner Weight Change

Men’s outsized desire for attractiveness in a lover has been known for millennia. To be clear, both men & women want to be pairbonded/ Facebook Official with someone attractive. It’s just that Xy men generally place more weight on this than XX women.

Egalitarian men may have more attractive spouses overall (and increasingly over time), as women married to such men are less likely to experience the 2nd Shift. The Second Shift refers to the post-market work (e.g., housework, childcare) that women in husband-wife marriages engage in upon returning home from their 9–5. (especially when both members are heterosexual). The 2nd Shift means women have less personal time available for fitness related activities.

Some husbands believe the solution to this is to inform his bae of her decreased fitness activities & suggest more interest be invested in looking like some airbrushed/ photoshopped non-actual person he saw on tv. Let’s review some research on spousal weight regulation across sexuality to see how that may turn out…

Wife-Wife, Husband-Husband, & Wife-Husband Couples & Regulation of Bae’s Weight (Umberson et al., 2018)

“…women married to women feel most appreciative of their spouse’s efforts in comparison to other respondents, whereas women married to men feel least appreciative of these efforts.

Women married to women may be more appreciative of their spouse’s social control efforts because their spouse is more likely to use social control tactics that are supportive rather than critical or coercive (Reczek & Umberson 2012)”

Could it be the case that the more egalitarian nature of wife-wife marriages may contribute to them being more appreciative? Given the ubiquity of the 2nd Shift in most husband-wife marriages, women married to a male (particularly a straight male like myself) may be less receptive to our concerns about their weight/consumption given that we may often be watching ESPN instead of helping wash dishes (not me, of course).

Irony of the 2nd Shift

A point of irony is that if straight males are so concerned about our lover’s weight, mitigating the 2nd Shift by providing more assistance with childcare & household tasks would seem strategic. Indeed, the time poverty created by the 2nd shift, in addition to the cumulative toll that such chronic stress of being the family’s quarterback has on women married to men, contributes to the very weight gain that such husbands are purportedly concerned about.

Though, other research indicates that males may be no more aware of hypocrisy than irony when it comes to weight. Indeed, Markey et al (2016) found that men, regardless of whether they were thin or overweight themselves, tended to regulate the consumption patterns of their straight female & gay male partners.

Feminist Men Have Easier Access To Sex

Mindful masculinity would be to men’s advantage as feminist men tend to have more sex (Stick & Fetner, 2020). Indeed, Stick & Fetner (2020) found “that non-feminist men are less likely to perform oral sex on their women partners, relative to both feminist men and to those who are not sure whether they are feminists. In other words, men’s relationship to feminist identity has substantial personal implications for women’s pleasure in this most intimate setting.”

“Armstrong and colleagues (2012) found oral sex nearly doubled the odds for women’s orgasm in hook-ups, and more than doubled the odds when in relationships.

Plural Courtship → Monogamous Coupling

The notion that bisexuals engage in dual (or plural) courtship shouldn’t be surprising when you consider that monosexual daters regularly engage in poly-courtship when dating but not facebook official. Women/men may be dating 3+ different people before they become official with one.

Bisexual Courtship adds the nuance of Dual-Sex Courtship, but plural courtship itself is the norm.

Evolutionary Mismatches

Why have men objectively failed to keep apace with women’s social evolution since the end of World War 2* (broad historical inflection point)? Three brief thoughts on the issue from the perspective of a chromosomal Xy, gender identity = masculine, born heterosexual (as far as I know), Texas born, Catholic, gender expression = bruh… male.

1. Our culture evolves faster than our DNA (or general evolved sensibilities; default settings) can keep adaptive pace with it.

2. Women evolve in line with cultural adaptations faster than men (just as women mature faster than men).

3. Women were the ones pushing for the cultural evolution & thus were best situated to adapt to it; where men who preferred the status quo didn’t want to assist as much in the development of the more egalitarian post-WW2 world.

v* = some may posit that The Pill in 1960, quite possibly the most disruptive invention to our evolutionarily practiced mating behaviors, is the better inflection point. That makes perfect sense as well. Others may place it sometime in the mid 1950s. That’s fine too. We’re all basically placing out navigational waypoint of this sociocultural history from within the same 15 yr window.

Sidenotes.

MMORPG PVP — PVE

There was a clear gender difference in preferred game mode; 88% of women played mostly or only in a PVE mode in comparison to 73% of men (Jolien De Letter et al., 2017).

De Letter, J., van Rooij, T., & Van Looy, J. (2017). Determinants of harassment in online multiplayer games. In 67th Annual ICA Conference: Interventions: Communication Research and Practice.

Egalitarianism/Chivalry Confusion?

Do some males misperceive egalitarian behavior as modern chivalry? If so it would suggest they’re behaving in mindfully masculine ways for all the wrong reasons.

Counterfeit equality → It’d be like a guy treating a woman equally only as part of a performance he has to engage in long enough to win the prize of intercourse.

Inauthentic for intercourse, the worst performative allyship

Replika

Self-Disclosure is one of the core utilizations of Replika Ai. Given that in human interactions, regardless of sex (or sexuality), people are most likely to disclose personal info, share feelings, & seek emotional support from women, we hypothesize that most Replikas are female.

If we can adapt to cardboard facsimiles of fans (social attention), we can adapt to Ai facsimiles of socioemotional support (human interaction).

(Image from BuzzFeed)

Apple has made specific iPhones for Japan that can’t be muted …… …because men

Assume direct quotes from article by Prasham Parikh (2019) — Article shared by research assistant Ela

The sound of clicking a picture while might be satisfying at first gets annoying after repeated use. But while most of us have the liberty to turn it off in the camera settings, folks in Japan & South Korea don’t have the liberty to do so. But to be honest, it’s all for a good reason. It all started with the Kyocera VP-210.

The VP-210, released in 1999, was one of the first phones in the world to have a “cutting-edge” camera. And the launch of this phone made Japanese people one of the first ones on the planet to have phones with a camera. But as some humans do with most blessings, they started misusing it. These camera phones where now being used to click voyeuristic “up-skirts”, especially in crowded areas like the metro. Pair the phone’s picture-taking ability to send emails and camera voyeurism was on the rise.

Ever since the sound of the camera shutter on phones with built-in cameras cannot be muted in Japan. Device manufacturers cooperated with this decision and also followed through. Even Apple has made specific iPhones for Japan that cannot be muted.

in Korea, the government itself set a recommendation in 2004 to have phones always make a sound louder than 65 decibels when a photo is taken. This was also done to curb spy shots and boost privacy.

In India it’s still legal to photograph someone without consent as long as you do it in a public space.

Tinder

People report using profile photos with better views to make it easier to get matches (Rifai Nurdin, 2021). They wouldn’t engage in catfishing by using someone else’s images, but they would blur their own photos, use photos that were a bit older (they knew they didn’t look that good anymore), & would avoid using their full real name (because common sense). People would also take pictures next to/ holding/ or that in some way included objects to convey their interest to potential matches (strategic photography; symbolic interactionism).

I'm passionate about making a tangible difference in the lives of others, & that's something I have the opportunity to do a professor & researcher.